Honoring Those with Alzheimers

In memory of my mother, who died almost six years ago after fighting her good fight with Alzheimers...and honoring many friends and strangers alike who are in the fight of their lives with this sad disease...also honoring their caregivers and/or loved ones who bravely and unselfishly help in their journeys - (Reprising an article first published in May 2008:  "Mother:")


And so it goes...a life well-lived has ended, and another chapter of our lives has begun.  It is a true blessing from God that Mother is whole again, no longer hindered in any way.  She can remember, recognize, smile, laugh, talk, walk, and eat; she can hear well and do for herself again in the way she always wanted.  She can cook and garden and feed her birds and chase away those pesky squirrels!  She can drive her car and write her letters and work crossword puzzles til the cows come home.  She can read her newspaper and the Wall Street Journal til her heart's content...she can watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy and win most every time!...and plan one of her fun trips with Daddy to some interesting place in the world, making notes so that her journal would be complete with what they had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and all they saw and new friends they met and what all the day had had in store for them.  She can bake homemade bread and Williamsburg Fresh Coconut Cake with Lemon Curd Filling....Jambalaya...Party Chicken with Artichokes...Chicken Basque...those famous Christmas goodies including Turkish Delight, pulled mints, dipped chocolates, and Spritz cookies in all the shapes from her cookie press...She can make a double batch of boiled custard and take it to an ailing neighbor...or even someone in the hospital...or perhaps a batch of oatmeal cookies or a loaf of datenut bread.  She can plant flat after flat of pansies and her vegetable garden of cantloupe, tomatoes, hills of peppers and Jerusalem artichokes and okra and green beans...She can tend her wildflowers:  columbine and lilies of the valley and Jack in the Pulpit and sit on her homemade bench, made from a couple downed trees, to admire the beauty of something only God could create.  She can listen to her music and play the piano by ear and enjoy her opera with the volume turned way up.  She can shop for bargains and redeem her coupons and visit with her friends at Food City again.  She can invite the neighbors and her golden friends from Norris and Clinton and Oak Ridge and Knoxville to a festive dinner party where she can use the good china and silver and arrange the centerpiece herself...She can invite a daughter to lunch out and they can do some shopping together with that lucky daughter always receiving a new item "just because."  She can be young again, vicariously through the grandchildren and those precious great-grands...laughing and joking and telling them tales of life as it used to be:  the depression years of her childhood, of surveying with her daddy "Papa," of living with her grandmother when times were so bad that Papa and Granny needed help feeding and raising their young; of college life and working at Drexel and moving to Anniston with Father Bill and Mama Stoney, as they were called from Grace Episcopal Church in Morganton to Grace Church in Anniston...of meeting and falling in love with her handsome friend Harry...and their marriage as the bells tolled VJ Day on that hot August afternoon in 1945...of the early years in Anniston and my brother's birth and then mine...of moving to Oak Ridge as Daddy's career dictated...and on to Norris and their beloved St Francis Church and all those fun days of our childhood in a small, safe, friendly community...then to Knoxville where they spent the next 50 years, continuing to raise children and being active in church and community and neighborhood and school affairs...Retirement for Daddy and all the fun they had traveling the Super Seniors tennis circuit, making new friends, with opportunities to visit and correspond...Daddy's illness and death and Mother's subsequent waning as Alzheimers entered the picture:  sad times as another chapter in her life began, that long journey of 8-9 years, one that would take her into the throes of silence and dependence on others.  She didn't like that, but she persevered, again showing that strength of character and resolve.  She seldom  complained, never whined, never felt sorry for herself, at least outwardly.  She adjusted to her new apartment, complete with her antiques and needlework on the walls...and was heartbroken when it became necessary to give it up and move on to assisted living, then special care for Alzheimers patients and then finally her last home in skilled nursing.  She made the best of it, though, in her stoic way...just part of the journey.  She was a joy to the staff, as she went about her day, cooperating and reading and even talking in a new poetic language marked by "to be" at the end of each phrase.  It was so sad for us to watch; but even with that, she plowed on, influencing others in the positive.  Her last two years were especially difficult as she lost more and more of the zest which made her HER...and her struggles with eating and swallowing and breathing worsened.  On May 15, 2008, we experienced the ultimate in bittersweetness:  we had lost her but she was free!  She was whole again!  She was reunited with her kind and gentle Harry...and best of all, because of her faith and trust in Him, she lives on in her new home, where she can serve in her new body with her new mind that is absolutely and perfectly clear and bright.  And so it goes..the circle of life.  We rejoice and thank God.

Riding the Roller Coaster

Well, after a four month hiatus, I'm back, blogging away!  Here's what's been going on, in my mind, as to why-or-why-not-continue-to-write-a-blog:


1.  I've been a writer since I was in the 4th grade (Mrs. Cothren told me so, after my essay on "What I Did on My Summer Vacation" ended up being my first book...40 pages long!)


2.  I can write my thoughts so much easier than speaking them.  Just ask anyone who has had to listen to me, especially if they are one of a crowd.  I was asked to present something to our church congregation...an Advent devotional .Writing it was no problem!  I did it in no time flat.  It was nearly impossible, however, for me to read/deliver it;  I nearly choked on the first sentence.  I DID manage to deliver my "speech," in a teary, high-pitched voice, but without fainting.  You get the picture.


3.  Writing is VERY therapeutic for me.  I can write down my thoughts and feel clarity...peace...resolution.


4.   So many are REALLY good at what they write:  but am I?  Sometimes I feel good about sharing my thoughts.  Many times, though, they are really just good for me.  I'm not funny...nor entertaining...nor eloquent.  I'm no theologian, though my thoughts are often on spiritual matters.  I'm not deep...nor am I on-the-cutting-edge of new thoughts on God or on the way-we-do-church...nor will I ever be praised by higher-ups in any field I can think of.  So...to be a writer, don't I need readers?  It's a dilemma in my mind.


5.  So, four months ago, I just put away my keyboard and concentrated on my main roles as wife, mother, Grandmommy, friend, and doggy-mommy...and have written just snippets of my thoughts as posts on Facebook...or in my journal.  It has been a good respite.. I've enjoyed my time away from my chronicling.  But I'm also missing it ! A lot.  So I decided to try again, just for the joy of writing.  And with the goal of not comparing myself and my writings to anyone else...nor their style...nor their opinions.


6.  Here it is:  my thought roller-coaster blog.  First since November 26, 2013.  Four months to the day.  It feels good to be back!

2013

So, today is November 26, 2013...11/12 of the year is gone...past history...and here we are a couple days before Thanksgiving, a month before Christmas, just over a month til the new year dawns.  I'm thinking back to this time last year, as I was pondering recent events and processing them, as I tend to do.  I had New Year's Resolutions on my mind and though a little premature, was thinking what I would "resolve" to do in 2013.

I had had fruit of the spirit on my mind lots, and so I resolved to build a basket of spiritual fruit in my life for the upcoming new year...plus a few more attributes that I felt would better my life and make me a little more Christlike.  It was a worthy goal.

Looking back, however, I think I fell well-short.  I have experienced some progress, but with me it seems to be one step up, two steps back.  Those wonderful attributes are very elusive, especially when things are rough or stressful, as most of our year has been.

I listed love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, self-control, etc and wrote about each for the first several months of the year.  As the year went on, and as things continued to spin somewhat out of control in some aspects, it seemed that I had created a monster of sorts with my lofty goals.  You know how it goes sometimes...pray for patience and then get tested...pray for peace and find yourself in the middle of an uproar...pray for self-control and then find yourself counting to 10 once every hour or so.

So defeating...so discouraging.

Then it dawned on me...just let it go.  Relax a little bit.  Cut yourself some slack.  Next year may be trying but I'd be willing to bet not as trying as this one has been.  Or tiring...no, make that not as exhausting.  I think it's setting up to be a GOOD year; I'm counting on it!  I think as our stressors mounted, my spirit of defeat increased incrementally...certainly not what I wanted or resolved.  I was letting my feeling of defeat overshadow my growth, and that fact was keeping me down and out.  Realizing what was going on did so much to allow me to just let go and let God be in control, as only He can.

God has never left us, never has forsaken us, still loves us, still undergirds us, especially when the going gets tough.  I think He is perhaps even a little proud of us for enduring and coming out of our tough year with gentler attitudes and still in one piece emotionally and physically.  We need His approval, His smiles, His hugs and encouragement.  He did not disappoint us at all.

So:  there's next year!  I have my list of around 15 very admirable and I think even attainable spiritual goals, and I intend to incorporate these traits into my life and heart.  I'm not resolving to do so, just to do my dead-level best to be all I can be, with God's help.  Could it be that I'm feeling more at peace already?  And growing some because of all the trials?  That would make them all worth while! 

My basket will not be full nor overflowing in 2013 but there's still tomorrow.  I won't take these for granted.  I will be open and receptive and expectant of/to these...they will still be my goals.  But no more pressure to have them in abundance or else.  I am going to be still and know that He is God, and I am His beloved child.  That's enough!!

My best wishes to each of you this Thanksgiving season.  As Christmas approaches, may the God of all our hopes and dreams and resolutions be very real to each of us, as we strive to follow more closely and to serve our fellowman with more light and life.

Good Words

While traveling down the interstate recently, I listened to one of my favorite radio teachers on Christian radio.  His introductory topic was about encouragement...about listening and responding with a good word or two that would help the other person feel better or to use his words, "make the other person's heart glad."

I liked that.  I needed to hear that.  I want to do that!

Being an empathetic person, I feel compelled to respond to a person's situation, dilemma, problem...I want to say something positive, something supportive, something helpful.  Sometimes, however, it's open mouth, insert foot.  Or it's taken wrongly.  Or not the right thing to say AT ALL.  Or too much advice.  Very discouraging, as my intentions are so good.  I feel like Paul:  I don't do (say) what I want to or I do (say) something I shouldn't have.

So, I have a new resolve to find that perfect "good word."  Perhaps it will best, meanwhile, while I learn, to say little and just listen.  Perhaps "less is more."  Maybe becoming a better listener will make me a better encourager.

So off I go on my new learning adventure:  finding good words.  I know what it feels like to be given a "good word."  I immediately feel better, more positive,  comforted, strengthened.  So I'll use that as my jumping off point:  I'll just try to feel and say what  I would want to hear if I were in that person's shoes. 

Life is hard, and we all find ourselves in difficult places.  We need encouragement, understanding, helpful words that lift our spirits and give us the will to go on, that assurance that everything will be all right.  Here's to "good words" - hearing them and speaking them.  May we find that delicate balance between just listening and knowing what to say and when to say it.  May my words, indeed, be good ones:  "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be always acceptable" to God...and to the ones to whom they are spoken.

Lessons

Lazy summer days are good for reflecting, so here goes!

- Each day is a gift from God; I will not waste a single one.
- Every person is unique and wonderfully made, for a purpose; I will respect each one.
- Everything that happens to us prepares us for the next step in life; I will learn from each.
- God resides in the praises of His children; I will praise Him!
- God,  in His creation, is a Master artist; I appreciate each beautiful masterpiece.
- Little children learn what they live; I will be careful of each word and attitude they hear and see in me.
- Learning to be content in whatever circumstance I find myself is key; I will strive for contentment.
- Not every other person has been fortunate enough to have a good upbringing; I will try to remember this when my tendency to judge rises up.
- Gratitude is an attitude I love; I will not succumb to anything less.
- Sharing with others is something I learned in kindergarten; I will continue in this as long as I live.
- Pity-parties are self-defeating; I will not throw one.
- Listening beats talking any day of the week; I will listen more and talk less.
- Reacting is not fruitful, unless I do it with restraint and forethought; I will think first and act second.
- Being frugal reaps great rewards; I will not spend thoughtlessly or as retail therapy.
- Understanding others takes patience and understanding; God grant me these, please!
- Raising up a child in the way he shall grow:  a very hard job but so worth it.
- Life's challenges build spiritual muscles; I will be stronger, with God's help.
- Starting the day off with God, in His word, talking with Him, listening, and learning...recipe for a better day!
- Exercising your passions, your gifts, your talents:  very rewarding.
- Keeping the faith, through trials and hard times, keeps us keeping on.

Yes, an early summer morning, full of possibilities, is an open book, a blank slate.  Let's see what we can accomplish today.  It may not be earthshaking or award-winning, but it can be a day full of goodness and satisfaction; a day where we can say "thank you, God" and feel peace and contentment.  That's worth millions to me.  How about you?

Kindergarten

A good friend of ours has a little girl who has just finished kindergarten.  She is snaggled toothed, smiley, a reader, and cute as a button.  This has been a momentous year for her, as she embraced school and all its challenges and "firsts" and adventures on her own.  And she's done great!  A win/win for her and her parents.

I remember my kindergarten years.  At age 4, I and my friends went to "morning group."  At age 5, we did "afternoon group."  This was in the days of no public kindergarten, so it was of the private variety.  I absolutely loved every minute of it!  I can still see our "room."  It was in the original Norris Community Building, a multi-purpose building of the 1930s era (I think.)  It had hardwood floors, and we had a whole fleet of tricycles inside where we could race around with no fear of hitting walls or pedestrians or anything that was dangerous or valuable.  I can envision our tables and chairs and the outdoor playgound...I can even "smell" the place...a combination of paste, clay, and tempera paint!

In 1953 and 1954, our curriculum was certainly not like today's kindergartener's.  We didn't learn to read or add and subtract.  But it was good for us socially and emotionally.  We learned to be independent, to listen, to share, to be creative.  And we learned manners, right from wrong, and appropriate behavior.

I'm sure you've read, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum.  I highly recommend the book; even a re-read if it's been a while.  It should be required reading, in my opinion, for we could use an extra dose of civility in the world in which we live.  Too often, folks are unkind, rude, too outspoken, selfish, unwilling to compromise, to see the other's person's view, to consider the other guy might just be right.  If we could learn and live this credo, its wisdom might just be about all that's necessary to live a meaningful life.

So, here goes: 

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.  Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup:  The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die.  So do we.
And then remember the Dick and Jane books and the first word you learned --the biggest word of all--LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere.  The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation.  Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Here's to some good reading; 197 pages of wisdom, pure and simple.  May God convict each of us with its lessons and teach us anew to be good to one another.  Life is short, and we need to live each day to its fullest, without regret.  Carpe diem, my friends!  Long live kindergarten and its wonderful, necessary life-lessons!

Goodness

It's May, the month of goodness.  I think we all want to be good, to do good, to share goodness with others.  Sometimes that's hard.  Especially when we're hurt or distressed or in the middle of adversity.  That's when we tend to be our "real" selves.  It's been said that you can tell a lot about a person when they're under pressure or in the middle of great adversity.  I don't much like that, but it's often true.  Put a person in a pressure cooker and watch how they act.  Many times it's not a very graceful...or grace-filled...sight.  That's when the anger and short temper and selfishness often appear.  Sad but true.

So how do we be "good"  when the pressure is on?

How can we look beyond ourselves and focus on goodness?

We can be good.  We can speak goodness instead of ugly, hurtful words. We can have good attitudes instead of spiteful ones.  We can think of others instead of ourselves.  We can have our priorities straight and look out for the best interests of others.  We can speak truth in love.  We don't have to sacrifice our principles in order to keep the peace.

How?  With God's help.  Through His Spirit, we can be fruitful.  We can walk in His footsteps and be more like Him.  We can be good.

On the last page of scripture, in Revelation 22, God says, "On either side of the river is the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, producing its fruit each month..."  I was amazed at this scripture as it explains my 2013 list of "fruit,"  one for each month, as my resolutions or goals.  I had forgotten this scripture in January when I came up with my list.  Isn't God just like that, to lead us?  I'm grateful and feel confirmed in this. 

So...we now have peace, love, joy, faithfulness and hope, and are working on having goodness in our basket.  Can't wait to see what this basket (my life) will look like at the end of the year.  I'm a work in progress for sure.  Hopefully by 2014, I will be a little more like Him.