My latest read, entitled On BecomingToddlerwise by Garry Ezzo and Robert Bucknam, is one of a series of eight or so books on childrearing. Having read the first few books in the series when our little grandson was an infant, I thought I should get the age-appropriate one for Barrett's current stage of development at 19 months. I really like the writers' ideas in dealing with everyday issues like schedules, activities, feeding, discipline, etc. They use common sense, kindness, love, consistency...words of wisdom for young parents...and grandparents.
So far, Barrett has not been very challenging in the area of discipline. He is pretty easy to handle and isn't prone to much misbehavior, tantrums, or major meltdowns. He does have one "habit" that his parents are dealing with, and we got to watch discipline-with-love in action on our recent visit with them.
When Barrett is finished eating...or not interested in a particular food, he simply tosses or drops it onto the floor. He knows better; he's been told "No!" and he understands that it is not appropriate behavior to throw his food. His parents firmly grasp his arm, saying "Do not throw your food onto the floor." But he seems to do it at least once per mealtime. His daddy has a new tactic for dealing with this behavior. He unbuckles Barrett's high chair seatbelt, lifts him to the floor, bends down and says, "You made a mess; now you have to clean it up." Barrett, looking kind of worried, says, "Daddy? Mess?" John replies, "Daddy loves you, but you made the mess, and you have to clean it up." He holds a napkin or paper towel for Barrett to deposit the cheerios or bites of banana or meat or whatever has hit the floor. Barrett is learning to pick them up...and it looks like the tactic is making an impression.
We are proud for them for disciplining their child with love, as they teach him right from wrong...about consequences...about doing what he's told...about minding Mommy and Daddy. It's the first of many lessons he'll need to know, as he grows from toddlerhood into the preschool stage and on into childrhood and the teenage years to young adulthood. It's better to learn those lessons early...rather than having to learn them the hard way later.
According to Toddlerwise...and common sense would agree...misbehavior at 19 months old is not malicious but rather innocent immaturity. Willful defiance may come later in development and is another matter altogether, requiring greater disciliplinary action. So the discipline should fit the "crime." No punishment at this point but rather consistent, firm but kind actions on the part of the caregiver to guide the little one back onto the straight path. Making eye contact, expecting the child to respond with "Yes, Mommy" (or Daddy,) being consistent, giving instructions rather than suggestions...and using appropriate methods like redirection, isolation, natural consequences, loss of privileges, naptime...are all part of discipline for this age group.
All this makes me think of what a big part discipline is in all our lives. Certainly as children, we needed and hopefully got our fair share, so that we didn't get into major trouble or make horrible decisions with serious consequences. As we grew, discipline changed as we matured and realized the benefits of acting responsibly. Still, we are human, and we sometimes act in ways that aren't appropriate...or say things that aren't respectful or kind. Then discipline again becomes necessary. Just as a parent who loves his/her child will not let that child stray far, our heavenly Father loves us too much to allow us to wallow in our sin, to keep on doing things that aren't right without disciplining us in love. I, for one, am grateful for that fact; I need to be reminded of how easy but harmful it is to harbor bad feelings, to react badly, to speak unkindly, to have a bad attitude, to act selfishly, to be jealous...I need to be jolted out of my self-centeredness.
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." Ps 51. I love that. I need that. I'm grateful for that. Just like Barrett, I need to learn my lessons...to be reminded what I need to do...or not to do. There is security in being within the boundary of good living...of following the straight and narrow...of keeping our eye on the prize, instead of going down the rough road of our own bidding. Being taught self-control early on will reap great benefits later on...something for which we can all be grateful! It's a win/win for parent and child alike...and we, in our adult years, can be glad that we been the recipients of loving discipline from our earthly parents and from our Father in heaven as well.
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