Mid-February

Good morning, on this mid-February day.  To most, it's Valentine's Day...the day 'o love.  A fun day for children, with its parties and cards and good-things-to-eat.  I remember it fondly:  the little paperbag containers for the Valentines...the little candy hearts with words on them, lots of chocolate, etc etc.  I remember having mixed feelings about it as a teenager, pre-John.  Feeling a little left out, a little lonely when others were getting flowers and gifts.  I am grateful for sweet remembrances from our children:  cookies and cards and sweet words of affirmation.  I LOVE my flowers and sweet cards from my sweet husband.  Anything given in love is heart-warming and so appreciated.

I remember one Valentines when a local school sold flowers for $1.  Some of the kids had literally lapfuls of them at the end of the day...and some had none :(  Not such a great idea on the part of the school, in my opinion.  Why set up some kids for sad feelings...whose idea was that??

Besides being Valentines, it's also the second day of Lent.  Having grown up in a church where the Christian calendar is observed everyday of the year, I have vivid memories of Lent....giving up things, saving money in my Mite box...celebrating every Sunday as a little Easter...Shrove Tuesday with its pancakes, Ash Wednesday and the imposition of ashes; we were humbled with the ash cross on our foreheads and its meaning...to keep close to our hearts during the 40 days to follow...the darkness which would be followed by the great light of Easter at Christ's resurrection.  I'm so pleased that churches other than Anglican ones now participate in Advent and Lent and other meaningful and wonderful times of preparation and emphasis.  It greatly adds to the Christian experience and growth.

So today, we celebrate love...traditional and spiritual.  Since it is Love Month, I'll close with some sweet words of love:

- Love never gives up.
- Love cares more for others than for self.
- Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
- Love doesn't strut.
- Love doesn't have a swelled head
- Doesn't force itself on others.
- Isn't always "me first."
- Doesn't fly off the handle.
- Doesn't keep score of the sins of others.
- Doesn't revel when others grovel.
- Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth.
- Puts up with anything.
- Trusts God always.
- Always looks for the best,
- Never looks back,
- But keeps going to the end...

Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. 
And the best of the three is LOVE!

From I Corinthians 13 - The Message

High School!

I've been reading a lot of Jennifer Niven lately.  Dear friends recommended her books to me, and I was off and running with a three-novel series she wrote.  Fascinating!  Endearing!  Addictive!  I was sad when I finished the three and had enjoyed her writing so much that I investigated her other books and came across one entitled, "The AquaNet Diaries."  Pretty catchy title, huh?

So I purchased it from the Kindle store and just finished it.  It chronicles Jennifer's high school days and set me thinking about mine.

Some observations:  high school days were fun!  and trying...and hard...and mystifying...and wonderful...and awful.  All the above.  I don't remember much about my freshman and sophomore years.  I remember being excited and overwhelmed and happy.  I had come from two years at a public school grades 1-12; 1 1/2 years in a new elementary school; 4 1/2 years at a local elementary school...and felt suddenly like a fish out of water.  Junior and senior years I remember vividly, down to small details!  Must have found my waterwings because I loved every minute of those two years, particularly.  Might have to do with a certain somebody named John!  It was puppy love at first sight, and we've been together now those two years, two in college, and 43+ in marriage :) 

Back to Jennifer's experience:  I must say my high school years were tame in comparison to hers.  I bet her mom got an instant education in what went on in J's life when this memoir was published.  There were lots of parties, drinking, cigarettes, speeding, cutting class, and other shenanigans from the beginning to the end!  As for me, I would have died rather than disappoint my parents by getting in trouble or doing poorly at anything.  Miss goody-two-shoes of the first degree!  And no regrets at all.

Her conclusion...and mine...is:  high school can be a wonderful experience...and high school can be an awful experience.  It's a wonder some survive, both physically and emotionally.  So much competition; superficiality, self-absorption, pettiness, silliness, meanness...but so many friendships, great conversations, meaningful relationships, life-long soulmate formation, lessons in maturity...plus much learning and mind-stretching and reaching-for-the-star experiences academically.  Plus some great teachers and crummy teachers...fun sporting events and heartbreaking lessons in losing.

She surmises that the high school experience is about the same worldwide!  I wouldn't know about that, from personal experience, but I do recommend her books for your reading enjoyment.  Beware that there is some language in all.  Not horrible but perhaps a little too much for some.

All this being said, I rate my high school experience as super-good, and I wouldn't trade my friends in the Knoxville Central High School Class of 1967 for any in the world!  I might add that many other friends, older and younger than I, are right there, too.  Love you guys!

One Step Up, Two Steps Back

You'd think I'd learn.  I'm 64 years old and old enough to know better.  But I still can open mouth, insert foot with the best (or worst) of them.

Here's the story:  I feel passionately about grandmothering.  I love the role.  I get to do it lots.  And I take it seriously.  I love the little guy and want to be the best I can be with him and for him and to him.  I don't want to be competitive with my role.  Others may do it better...or differently...  That's fine.  But for me, I don't want to spoil my grandson or to overdo certain areas or to neglect certain areas.  I just want to do a good job and have a sweet, honest, happy, well-adjusted, healthy little one as a result.

A longtime friend posted something that got my interest and made me question myself, as to what I would do in her situation.  Her eldest grandchild (school-age, kindergarten, I think) said she might be bored today, in her grandmother's care, since there were no Barbies or babydolls at her grandmother's.  So they all went to Target and got some...plus other gifts for each of the three grandchildren in her care.  Very sweet gesture on the grandmother's part. 

My question, to myself, was:  would I do that?  Probably not.  Not this soon after Christmas.  My parents wouldn't have, not for me, my brother, nor our children.  They were good to us.  But what we didn't need we ususally didn't get, except on VERY special occasions. 

All this is fine, except on Facebook, I asked if the little granddaughter could have brought some Barbies from home.  And then I went on and explained why I was questioning, wondering.  It was for MY sake, not meant as a criticism of her decision. 

But you know what?  I was wrong.  It came across as a criticism, I'm sure.  I reread it and thought:  uh oh.  I've screwed up (again.)  And I'm very sorry.  I should have kept my wonderings to myself.  Everyone should do or be what they feel is best.  Who am I to question for all the world to see!  Do I have the corner on the grandparent market?  Certainly not!  Would I intentionally hurt my friend?  No indeed.  But I'm sure I did, and again, I'm so sorry. 

Lesson learned.  I'll keep on trying to do my very best as a grandmother.  I'll love and play and read and pray and try.  But I will not wonder publicly, aloud, or at the expense of friendship.  I'll follow the leading that I should have before, and Good Lord willing and with His help, I won't make this mistake again.

With that being said, we'll move on to another day in the life of a struggling Christian who is weak and incomplete and taking baby steps toward maturity.  One of these days!  Thanks for coming along on the journey. 

The 2013 Project: February, the LOVE month!

Well, it's the last day of January, my month for PEACE.  It's funny:  when I decided on my resolutions for this calendar year, I came up with 16 theme words.  I had thought "one a month," but obviously a few months will double-up.  Peace is January's theme, and all through the month, I kept coming across scripture verses, articles, blogs, devotionals that focused on peace....just like "they" knew!  It was more than coincidental.  Wonderful words they were and so helpful to me in my quest for peace.  Our family has been through some storms this fall and winter, and we have all needed God's peace:  it defies logic, permeates the soul, so wonderful that it we cannot understand it.  It keeps our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.  It is the ONLY place to be:  encompassed by God's beautiful peace.

So now, we approach February:  LOVE month!  Our church always had LOVE MONTH when I was a young adult.  Sermons, devotionals, articles, classes all focused on love.  It was a tradition I loved and looked forward to.  We had secret saints...surprised each other with acts of love and little gifts of love.  The month culminated with a Love Feast, a gathering of church family for a meal, music, and program focusing on God's love for us and our love for Him and each other...very meaningful indeed.

In 2013, love will again be this next month's theme.  I'm excited to see what's in store for me and mine as we venture into this month.  How can I better love?  How can I share this love with a needy and hurting world?  Can I love when I might instead hate or dislike greatly?  Will my love shine forth or will I hide it under a bushel, like I sometimes tend to?  Will I answer with loving words?  Will I BE His love?

Yes, 2013 is shaping up to be a fruitful year, one month, one theme-word at a time.  Here's to February, the month of love.  May it be so.  And by the end of December, may our lives and world be just a little richer for the building of a great big bowl, piled high with this fruit of His spirit, plus a few other goodies directed by Him :)

Remember "Little is Much?"

Several months ago, we were given little vinyl signs saying, "Little is much in the hands of God," to place at strategic places around our home.  We have two, one on the microwave and one on the base of our bedroom tv. 

I've probably looked at them hundreds of times since they were placed and had many different thoughts about what they say...here are a few of the "thoughts:"

- my faith is sometimes small, but God can increase it
- my patience can be small, and my temper short; but God can increase my patience and curb my temper, if I can accept His proddings and help
- I can be a very small person, thinking bad thoughts and saying ugly things; but God loves me and discplines me because of that love...and takes me to higher thoughts and kinder words
- my wavering hope grows by leaps and bounds when I put my problems in the hands of God
- I am weak but He is strong
- humility is not a weakness but rather a strength
- All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small; all things wise and wonderful, the Lord God made them all
- a tiny splinter can cause great pain (both literally and figuratively)
- even a tiny child can have a great spiritual nature
- a smile means the world, to someone hurting
- even a small gesture of friendship means so much
- finding a penny is exciting!
- next time you hear "Happy Birthday" being sung, give the birthday person a crisp dollar and watch their face light up!
- buy a homeless person a hamburger...or give him/her a bottle of cold water...or a Coke...might just make their day!
- clean socks to a barefoot person make such a difference
- a tiny seed grows into a beautiful plant
- a word of kindness, a hug, an understanding word mean more than a speech
- write a note, send a text, ask how a person is doing...be a friend!
- on and on, we can go...the list is endless, the possibilities for good, as well

Yes, it doesn't take but a little to make much, in the hands of God. 

Will you join me today is offering just a little something to someone? Then wait to see what big, wonderful things God will do with that small gesture!  He won't disappoint.

2013

Well, another new year is here!  Time is moving on, and here we are, with 364 new days ahead of us in 2013.  What will we do with these days?  Will they be good ones?  Memorable ones?  Hard ones?  Time will tell...If I had to guess, I would imagine they will hold a little bit of everything...good, bad, happy, sad...perhaps I should "resolve" to do/be some things that might help me everyday, whether it's a good day or a bad one.

Since I'm already one of those who likes to make New Year's Resolutions,  here's what I'm thinking this second day of the new year: 

 - I know I will not be perfect in keeping my resolutions, but I do resolve to do my best and to keep each one as a priority.

 - Since there are 12 months in the year, I'm thinking I'll add a resolution-a-month; and at the end of December, I will have at least "grown" in those 12 areas.

 - I've made my list, and it came out to 14~  I guess I'll have to double up a time or two :)

 - I'm going to call my list "Fruitful Resolutions," and I don't mean apples, oranges, and bananas (although a few more of those in my diet might just be a good thing!)

I resolve in January to make PEACE a priority.  Peace:  not just the absence of dissent or discord, but that place in my heart and life where the peace of God resides.  No matter what happens, He is there; He will get  through the fire, the storm, the raging sea.  He will soothe my spirit and give me His peace which passes understanding.  His peace:  calmness, respite from tension and anxiety, a quietness and sense of acceptance and tranquility that is out-of-body, out-of-this-world, yet perfectly relavent to my circumstances...in other words, not because I'm trying so hard or because I've decided it will be but because I'm trusting Him for it.

Here's to PEACE:  I hope to both walk with it by day and sleep in His heavenly peace  at night.  And may it be contagious to those whom I love most and to those with  whom I share life: my husband, children, and grandson...and with our dear friends, acquaintances, and strangers alike.

In the year of our Lord 2013, may PEACE prevail, and may it begin with me.

Sea Glass

The magic of the beach was calling.  You know "the call:"  your soul needs refreshing...you are tired...you are weary.  And that special place, whether it be the mountains or the lake or the seashore calls to you, saying:  "Come!" 

So we went.  And it was good.

Sunrises, with their quiet stillness at the very best time of the day.  The sky with all it's pinks and grays and soft clouds. Sunsets with their dimming colors, above a cloud-shrouded horizon; the azure sea, gentle waves, wildlife:  gulls and pelicans, bearded lizards and a parrott named Echo!, sea urchins and angel fish.  Seafood.  Gentle breezes.  Yes!

As usual, I set out to find some pretty shells for my collection.  My daddy had a little glass box with his personal favorite:  a chambered nautilus that he had carefully cut, so that one could see each chamber.  Being a design engineer who had started out in architecture, he had a creative side that appreciated the way God designed His world and all that is in it, including shells.  So whenever we've answered "the call" of the beach, I've tried to bring a few new shells to add to the collection:  tiny, perfect spirals from Hilton Head; sand dollars from Jekyll Island or Shell Island; a vast array from Sanibel, the seashell capital of America!  colorful little clamshells from the Carolina shores; lava from Hawaii.

My rule for gathering shells has always been:  they must be perfect.  No nicks.  No rough edges.  PERFECT!  John would find a pretty one, but it wouldn't meet my criteria, with it's broken spot.  I would see one, partially hiding in the surf, only to discover it was missing an appendage.  Nope, not good enough.  Imperfect.

This last trip something interesting happened.  I began to appreciate less-than-perfect, for some reason.  The selection was different.  No clam shells.  No perfect spirals.  Some pitted coral.  Some interesting cylindrical ones.  But what most intrigued me was sea glass:  tiny shards of green glass, probably from a broken bottle perhaps an ocean away, that had been carried by the tides to the seashore.  It probably had a rough ride.  Thrown around by the stormy seas.  Further broken and greatly reduced in size.  Beautiful and fascinating...

What is most interesting is that it is no longer sharp...not at all!  It's edges are smoothe...soft...not even a hint of something able to cut or hurt.  The transformation is amazing.  And "it" spoke to me, in a soothing voice:  "Learn from me a life-lesson that will soothe your soul and calm your spirit."  So I listened.  And here's what "it" said...

Life is rough.  For everyone.  Noone is exempt.  The storms will come, you will question and wonder and be hurt.  But it won't defeat you.  You are being refined, like fire refines silver, like a file smoothes a rough nail, like the waves of the sea toss a sharp piece of glass til it is made soft and smoothe with no rough edges at all. Don't resist the process.  Go with it!  Let it happen!  Because you are not alone.

"I am there! says God, our heavenly Father."

Yes, God the creator and author of all life-lessons, allows it but never leaves nor forsakes His children who are being smoothed with heavenly sandpaper.  He is there!  He has big, strong shoulders and a willingness to carry us, to shelter us under His wings, to ease the pain of the process and to bring us to the other shore safe and sound and renewed. 

So we rejoice and are glad and are able to say, "Thank you!  Thank you for this lesson that I needed.  I don't want to be rough, cutting, hurtful...I needed refinement, and I'm thankful that some good can come from hurt and weariness that have been so present.  You are pure and unblemished, and I want to be as well.  I will never be perfect like You are perfect.  But I can be a softer and gentler soul.  And listen better...see more clearly...and follow You more closely."

Yes, it's a lesson in life that I didn't ask for...I didn't want...I resisted greatly...but for which I am begininng to realize is a gift from God Himself:  His bright, shining light...His hands upon my life and upon those I love best...His countenance, bright as the sun, wanting the best for me and mine, as He teaches us another of His life-lessons, even with the pain.