Early Morning Thoughts...

I'm sitting at the computer, watching it snow!  Big, beautiful, fluffy flakes, on March 25 no less!  Daffodils are blooming, as are the Bradford Pears...kind of pretty, amongst the snow.  Last week I sported shorts and flip-flops.  It was in Florida, to be sure, but it's somewhat relevant because it has been a strange spring there, as well.  One day:  warm, almost hot...next day:  cool, windy, rainy.  Not typical of our picture-perfect springtime with warm days and for sure, no snow :)

Although Spring officially begins March 20 or 21st, my wise mother always waited til Mother's Day to begin springtime planting, gardening, etc.  Experience had taught her not to believe it was actually here too early on.  I am ALWAYS tempted to hit the garden centers as soon as we have one warm day...but I've learned, the hard way, what can happen.  Money down the drain, as well as time and effort, when we get those gardens started too soon.  There will be more cold...and freezes...and even snow!  So I'll wait this year.

Easter will be here Sunday, and I've been thinking lots about this most important day.  Without Christ's resurrection, Christianity would have no meaning.  We would have no chance at eternal life.  The story would be incomplete.  We can get caught up in deep theology when thinking and discussing Easter, but boiling it down to the simple fact that Jesus died for us, with all our sins upon Him, then was raised from the dead to live forever and to allow us to live forever is what it's all about.  I told Barrett the story last week, in 3-year-old words...then followed it up reading the Easter story from his Bible story book.  He got a sad look on his face when we read about the crucifixion...then smiled widely when Jesus appeared to Mary in the garden.  Alive again!  Wonderful news.  He understood, as well as a little child can, that Jesus died and was buried but came to life again on Easter Sunday.  He'll understand better, by and by.  And what all this means for him in his life.

This Holy Week we'll focus on Jesus' last days and on His sacrifice for us...on His experiences, His suffering, His words, His death and His Resurrection.  Sobering times followed by joy.  One end of the spectrum to the other.  Like days in springtime, from cold and freezing to warm and sunny, we will experience it all.  And just like springtime, we will come through this week with a bright outlook for our futures.  We may go through times of suffering, disappointment, questions without answers and come through these times with bright hopes for our futures.

Thank you, God, for springtime...for a time of renewal, of beginning again.  Thank you for Jesus' ultimate sacrifice for us.  Because He lives, we can face tomorrow.  Because He lives, all fear is gone.  Because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living just because He lives!

Shhh! Quiet time...

For many years I tried, really tried, to establish a pattern for my quiet time with God.  I tried journaling, with no real success; surprising, as I love to write...but it just wasn't effective nor satisfying.  I tried reading the Bible through, and it just turned into something rather rote and uninspiring, although I did get some knowledge from the experience.  I tried using The Book of Common Prayer and several hymnals...interesting and a good experience, but still not what I was looking for.

Then this fall, I was shown a devotion book that was written in first person God.  It really spoke to me!  So I got a blank book (actually, I had one that a dear daughter had given me :) and began my journey into reading a devotion and the Bible and writing down what it was saying to ME!  It has been so awesome.  I start out with Max Lucado's Grace for the Moment...then move onto my journal...then use a tiny little picture album of mostly family, where I pray for each one using the theme of the devotional to start with.  For example, if the topic is God's Grace, then I pray for God's grace to be upon my husband, our children, our grandchild, etc. Then I go onto my Bible reading and end up with my favorite online devotion:  d365.  It has turned out to be so rewarding.  I am reaping blessings galore with this quiet time with the Lord. 

One day, I'll look back at my now not-blank book, with my journaling from 2013, and remember with gratitude a time in my life when one of my greatest pleasures began.  This has been a long time coming, and I am enjoying it immensely, looking forward to the early morning and my special time alone with God.  It sets the stage for my day.  It is more-than-coincidentally just what I need each and every day.

So I'll just praise God for showing me the way and pass what is working for me to you, my reader friends.   And I say better late than never in finding my way into this wonderful, quiet encounter that is enriching my life so very much.

Something to REALLY think about...

Next time any of us lapses into a personal pity party, we might want to think about counting our blessings.  It's part of our human nature, I know, to wish things that are unpleasant would go away...that our lives would be void of unpleasantness of any kind...that happiness would get here and stay.

But reality tells us that this is NOT real.  Life is full of disappointment, unrealized dreams, far-from-fairy tale endings.  It's a journey, for sure.  And hard at times.  I understand that, for others and for us.

But you know, there are those in our lives or in our circle of friends that REALLY have it tough.  A young woman we know - our son's age - who is in a situation that truly is heartrending.  Her baby was born with multiple challenges and has been in the hospital since his birth in November.  He very well may celebrate his first birthday there.  She spends most of her time there, with occasional trips to Knoxville to be with her husband and kindergartener.  You can only imagine what the hospital bill is.  You can only imagine how stressed she and her family must be, with a critically ill child, separation, finances, etc.  Yet she has the greatest faith and expressions of it I have ever seen.  It is truly humbling to read her blogs on Caringbridge...like being in church.  It is inspiring and uplifting and worshipful.

I am so proud of her.  She has captured my heart and put my life and its ups and down into perspective.  Not only do I count my blessings more...but I truly empathize and see my life and things in it so much more clearly.

A person can have joy in his/her life, even in the midst of very hard circumstances.  If a person has a personal relationship with Christ...if they can trust and hope and believe in God's presence in their life, if they have given their hurts and challenges and circumstances to Him, then they can truly face the future with true hope and faith.  It makes all the difference in their outlook.  It's the calm within the storm, the peace that passes understanding. 

So, let's get outside ourselves and think of others who have it so much worse in their situations.  Let's learn from those who are trusting and leaving it to God and who inspire us with His hope.  Thinking of others first not only helps them but puts our own problems into perspective.  Thank you, God, for lessons learned.  May you keep our friends in your care and heal their child.  Care for them in ways You alone can...and may we give of ourselves to them, being Your hands and feet on this earth, Your servants, sharing of ourselves with them.  It can only lessen their stress, increase their joy, and bring glory to You.

It's March!

Well, February - Love Month - has come and gone, and March is upon us.  January was the month of peace, February love, and for March, think joy!  Now that's a happy thought, isn't it.  With all the cold and bad weather and more than a little bad news, with deaths, illness, the economic problems and personal difficulties happening, we can all use a little joy, can't we.

I'm enjoying the fruit basket we're assembling in 2013.  It's been fun to see how many times a day I'm reminded of the current month's theme.  In January, I kept coming upon scripture about peace...even when I was not looking or thinking about it.  Same thing in February, about love.  So I'm excited to see what new and inspiring things come my way this month, the month of joy.

Joy is indeed a fruit of the Holy Spirit.  It is kin to happiness but so much more.  I've seen folk search for happiness and not find it...then be completely filled with joy, a gift from God, when they accept His love.  It's a spiritual thing, for sure.  Some search and search, trying this way and that, to find happiness, to no avail.  It isn't found in the things of this world, nor in material things, nor in individuals or experiences.  Perhaps momentarily, but nothing that lasts or that is of eternal value.  It's very sad to watch folk who are searching in all the wrong places for something that God so wishes to grant, if they would only look up to Him.  Conversely, it's the best present in the world to see a person whose joy is just overflowing, even in the midst of hard times and sad times. as well as in the good times.

It's joy that is contagious...uplifting...strengthening...healing.  It's joy that is obvious when someone who might be sad or depressed or overcome or devastated actually makes you feel better, when you've come to cheer them up or comfort them.  It's joy that shows in one's countenance...that brings a smile...that is tangible to all around.

So as winter's gloomy days hang on, open yourself up to God and His gift of joy.  It can come in the morning, after a long, sleepless night.  It can make someone's day, to observe you exuding that wonderful sense of joy.  Joy, pure and unadulterated, is just about the best medicine there is to heal a broken heart or to turn doubts around.  Seek it; ask for it; enjoy it; be thankful for it; treasure it; share it!

Here's to a heart filled with joy.  Make this a joy-filled and joyful month as we fill the bowl of our lives with God's wonderful fruit of the Spirit...peace, love, joy and more to come in the months ahead. 

Mid-February

Good morning, on this mid-February day.  To most, it's Valentine's Day...the day 'o love.  A fun day for children, with its parties and cards and good-things-to-eat.  I remember it fondly:  the little paperbag containers for the Valentines...the little candy hearts with words on them, lots of chocolate, etc etc.  I remember having mixed feelings about it as a teenager, pre-John.  Feeling a little left out, a little lonely when others were getting flowers and gifts.  I am grateful for sweet remembrances from our children:  cookies and cards and sweet words of affirmation.  I LOVE my flowers and sweet cards from my sweet husband.  Anything given in love is heart-warming and so appreciated.

I remember one Valentines when a local school sold flowers for $1.  Some of the kids had literally lapfuls of them at the end of the day...and some had none :(  Not such a great idea on the part of the school, in my opinion.  Why set up some kids for sad feelings...whose idea was that??

Besides being Valentines, it's also the second day of Lent.  Having grown up in a church where the Christian calendar is observed everyday of the year, I have vivid memories of Lent....giving up things, saving money in my Mite box...celebrating every Sunday as a little Easter...Shrove Tuesday with its pancakes, Ash Wednesday and the imposition of ashes; we were humbled with the ash cross on our foreheads and its meaning...to keep close to our hearts during the 40 days to follow...the darkness which would be followed by the great light of Easter at Christ's resurrection.  I'm so pleased that churches other than Anglican ones now participate in Advent and Lent and other meaningful and wonderful times of preparation and emphasis.  It greatly adds to the Christian experience and growth.

So today, we celebrate love...traditional and spiritual.  Since it is Love Month, I'll close with some sweet words of love:

- Love never gives up.
- Love cares more for others than for self.
- Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
- Love doesn't strut.
- Love doesn't have a swelled head
- Doesn't force itself on others.
- Isn't always "me first."
- Doesn't fly off the handle.
- Doesn't keep score of the sins of others.
- Doesn't revel when others grovel.
- Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth.
- Puts up with anything.
- Trusts God always.
- Always looks for the best,
- Never looks back,
- But keeps going to the end...

Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. 
And the best of the three is LOVE!

From I Corinthians 13 - The Message

High School!

I've been reading a lot of Jennifer Niven lately.  Dear friends recommended her books to me, and I was off and running with a three-novel series she wrote.  Fascinating!  Endearing!  Addictive!  I was sad when I finished the three and had enjoyed her writing so much that I investigated her other books and came across one entitled, "The AquaNet Diaries."  Pretty catchy title, huh?

So I purchased it from the Kindle store and just finished it.  It chronicles Jennifer's high school days and set me thinking about mine.

Some observations:  high school days were fun!  and trying...and hard...and mystifying...and wonderful...and awful.  All the above.  I don't remember much about my freshman and sophomore years.  I remember being excited and overwhelmed and happy.  I had come from two years at a public school grades 1-12; 1 1/2 years in a new elementary school; 4 1/2 years at a local elementary school...and felt suddenly like a fish out of water.  Junior and senior years I remember vividly, down to small details!  Must have found my waterwings because I loved every minute of those two years, particularly.  Might have to do with a certain somebody named John!  It was puppy love at first sight, and we've been together now those two years, two in college, and 43+ in marriage :) 

Back to Jennifer's experience:  I must say my high school years were tame in comparison to hers.  I bet her mom got an instant education in what went on in J's life when this memoir was published.  There were lots of parties, drinking, cigarettes, speeding, cutting class, and other shenanigans from the beginning to the end!  As for me, I would have died rather than disappoint my parents by getting in trouble or doing poorly at anything.  Miss goody-two-shoes of the first degree!  And no regrets at all.

Her conclusion...and mine...is:  high school can be a wonderful experience...and high school can be an awful experience.  It's a wonder some survive, both physically and emotionally.  So much competition; superficiality, self-absorption, pettiness, silliness, meanness...but so many friendships, great conversations, meaningful relationships, life-long soulmate formation, lessons in maturity...plus much learning and mind-stretching and reaching-for-the-star experiences academically.  Plus some great teachers and crummy teachers...fun sporting events and heartbreaking lessons in losing.

She surmises that the high school experience is about the same worldwide!  I wouldn't know about that, from personal experience, but I do recommend her books for your reading enjoyment.  Beware that there is some language in all.  Not horrible but perhaps a little too much for some.

All this being said, I rate my high school experience as super-good, and I wouldn't trade my friends in the Knoxville Central High School Class of 1967 for any in the world!  I might add that many other friends, older and younger than I, are right there, too.  Love you guys!

One Step Up, Two Steps Back

You'd think I'd learn.  I'm 64 years old and old enough to know better.  But I still can open mouth, insert foot with the best (or worst) of them.

Here's the story:  I feel passionately about grandmothering.  I love the role.  I get to do it lots.  And I take it seriously.  I love the little guy and want to be the best I can be with him and for him and to him.  I don't want to be competitive with my role.  Others may do it better...or differently...  That's fine.  But for me, I don't want to spoil my grandson or to overdo certain areas or to neglect certain areas.  I just want to do a good job and have a sweet, honest, happy, well-adjusted, healthy little one as a result.

A longtime friend posted something that got my interest and made me question myself, as to what I would do in her situation.  Her eldest grandchild (school-age, kindergarten, I think) said she might be bored today, in her grandmother's care, since there were no Barbies or babydolls at her grandmother's.  So they all went to Target and got some...plus other gifts for each of the three grandchildren in her care.  Very sweet gesture on the grandmother's part. 

My question, to myself, was:  would I do that?  Probably not.  Not this soon after Christmas.  My parents wouldn't have, not for me, my brother, nor our children.  They were good to us.  But what we didn't need we ususally didn't get, except on VERY special occasions. 

All this is fine, except on Facebook, I asked if the little granddaughter could have brought some Barbies from home.  And then I went on and explained why I was questioning, wondering.  It was for MY sake, not meant as a criticism of her decision. 

But you know what?  I was wrong.  It came across as a criticism, I'm sure.  I reread it and thought:  uh oh.  I've screwed up (again.)  And I'm very sorry.  I should have kept my wonderings to myself.  Everyone should do or be what they feel is best.  Who am I to question for all the world to see!  Do I have the corner on the grandparent market?  Certainly not!  Would I intentionally hurt my friend?  No indeed.  But I'm sure I did, and again, I'm so sorry. 

Lesson learned.  I'll keep on trying to do my very best as a grandmother.  I'll love and play and read and pray and try.  But I will not wonder publicly, aloud, or at the expense of friendship.  I'll follow the leading that I should have before, and Good Lord willing and with His help, I won't make this mistake again.

With that being said, we'll move on to another day in the life of a struggling Christian who is weak and incomplete and taking baby steps toward maturity.  One of these days!  Thanks for coming along on the journey.