Conversations

Barrett has become quite the conversationalist!  This past week he's outdone himself with expressions worthy of "best ever" awards.  For example:  I was holding him, when he looked up and said, "E-mommy pretty!"  Oh, be still my soul:  isn't that just so sweet! (If only it were true)....then he looked at John and said, "E-daddy pretty!"  Now that was just so funny.  John said, "I don't think I've ever been told that before!"

Our son has always played music for Barrett...everything from classical to country to rock to kiddy nursery rhymes.  Last night he put on a music video by Weird Al Y.  Barrett rocked out to the familiar tune, then said, "That's a good song!"  Devereux rolled her eyes and said, "He's brainwashed."  Of course Johnny loved it!

Then, after his bath, Barrett got to watch an episode of Curious George before bed.  In this particular one, George was afraid of the dark...and monsters.  At one point, Devereux said, "I hope this doesn't scare him."  Just about that time, Barrett sat up straight and said, "George...monsters!  Afraid of dark!"  Then "I'm afraid of the dark."  So we spent some time reassuring him it was all make believe, that the monsters were gone, that George got over being afraid of the dark, etc.  It must have worked because he went right to bed and has slept 12 hours so far!

Yes, listening to our sweet little 2 year old grandson engaging in conversation has been one of the recent highlights of our lives with him.  He is sweet and funny and smart, and we're very prejudiced, of course.  We learned something last night:  he listens and he thinks and takes in most everything he sees and hears.  There are all kinds of influences out there.  It's up to us all to fill his world with good stuff, then to explain and turn scary experiences into teachable moments so that he goes away with positive lessons.  I'll let you know what gems of conversations he comes out with today!  I'm betting it'll be something memorable!

Lent

Having grown up in the Episcopal Church, Lent is very familiar to me.  My first memory of this sacred season of the church year is as a preschooler, in our little mission church in Norris.  The church building was erected by the men of the church, including my daddy, and it was in that quaint, simple building...and at home...that my faith was planted and grew. 

A Sunday or two before Ash Wednesday, we children were given Mite Boxes in which to put our coins, to be presented to God on Easter Sunday.  Of course this came out of the Biblical account of the widow giving her mite as an offering of sacrifice to God.  She didn't have much; but what she did have, she shared with God for use in His work on earth.  The Mite Boxes were little milk cartons with a slot on top.  And I always wanted mine to be as full as could be on Easter Sunday.

I tried to earn money by doing extra chores, so that I could have more money in my Mite Box.  And after I started school, I would give up ice cream for Lent...then put the money I saved into my Mite Box.  I think it was a nickela day, if I remember correctly!  Giving up something for the 40 day span of Lent was meaningful to me, even as a small child.  So as I have grown up...and older...I always wonder what to give up.  Some give up desserts...some facebook...some Cokes...or tea...or chocolate.

This year, I have decided to give up some attitudes, instead of something more tangible like food or drink.  I don't always have control of what comes into my mind.  But I can certainly control my reaction...so that's my goal this year:  to use discipline and self-control to have a better attitude.  I don't want to be judgmental or critical or prejudiced or condemning.  There, I have it on paper!  So you all will have to see how I do.  Hopefully it will be a life-long change that will last long after these next 40 days are over.

So...as we journey through these days preceding Christ's resurrection on Easter morning, may we each find our own way...may we seek with our whole hearts, to give up things detrimental to our lives and witness...and to add those things which will honor Christ the most.  It's bound to be a win/win situation.

Babes

It was 1953, and I was four years old.  We had moved to Norris a little over a year before, and I was "helping" my mother paint the stairwell.  The stairs in those Norris frame homes were VERY steep (I know because I fell down them several times!)...and dark...so it wasn't an easy paint job.  Mother persevered and painted away, as I jabbered on, from my perch a step or two above her.

The conversation went something like this:

Me:  "I think you should have a baby for me!"
Mother:  "No, I don't think so.  You and Harry are enough children for Daddy and me."
Me:  "But I WANT a baby so I can hold it and play with it.  I LOVE babies!"
Mother:  "I know you do, but I think we have enough."
Me (crying, by now):  "But all your friends have babies, and I want one, too."
Mother:  "You'll just have to wait 20 years and have one of your own."

I remember it like it was yesterday.  The deep desire.  The love.  The passion for all-things-baby.

Fast-forward 17 years:  It was autumn of 1970.  And my-husband-of-just-over-a-year and I were expecting our first child!  I was the happiest girl in the world.  Finally, I was going to have a baby of my own. We were thrilled and excited, in anticipation of the blessed event.  We received our first pre-baby gifts:  a furry kitten and a quilt and pillow set which would dictate the color of the eventual nursery.  And a note from our next-door neighbor in Norris, all those years before. It read, "You have wanted a baby ever since I can remember, and now you're going to have one of your very own!" 

My reputation as a "baby-lover" went before me.  And I was not disappointed when July 25, 1971...then again January 21, 1975...came.  First, a beautiful baby boy, the spittin' image of his daddy...then a gorgeous baby girl, same size, same facial features but with a head-full of dark hair!

I have loved motherhood.  Sure, it had it challenges, and I didn't always get an "A" as a mommy.  I worried too much.  I majored on the minors at times.  I was way too emotional.  I was uptight and harsh at times.  But I loved them and tried hard, and despite me, they turned out wonderfully well.  I would change some things, as far as my mothering went,  if I could have a do-over; but I wouldn't change THEM at all.  God, in His grace, has blessed our family; we are very proud of our grown children and thank God for them.

Over the years, we have been able to share in the joy of the birth of grandchildren to our friends and family.  And now we have precious Barrett, soon to be two years old.  No one could have told me the joy he has brought.  Sure, people tried to tell me.  And I thought I knew.  I just had no idea the intensity of the love for that little one.  In a nutshell, pure joy.  Sheer love.  Unblemished, all-encompassing.  Completely unconditional.

We live far away from him, so we enjoy him with phone calls and Skype visits and those monthyly trips south.  In the meantime, I've tried to fill my role as "baby-lover" with helping with other children, occasional babysitting, mentoring (if asked!), and just doing what I can as a substitute or surrogate grandmommy.  It's part of my passion.  I believe my love for tiny ones is God-given, and if that's one way I can serve, then I'm more than willing.

Moral of story:  God gives each of us deep-down longings...passions...desires that are only from Him.  Then it's up to us to use those for His glory.  May each of us find our gifts/talents...then put them to use.  I'm thankful to Him for my love for children...and avenues in which to put legs to that love. 

God bless the babies in my life.  I'm VERY thankful for them all.

Alzheimers Disease

Many of you know that my mother died of Alzheimers Disease, in 2008.  She was in its throes for almost a decade:  it robbed a beautiful, intelligent, eloquent, vital woman of just about everything she was.  For the last couple years, she could not walk, talk, feed herself, read, write, communicate, or recognize even those closest to her...She went from a very self-sufficient woman who had been valedictorian of her class...an excellent cook...master gardener...one who could work the very difficult New York Times Sunday edition crossword puzzle...a lover of opera and classical music...world traveler...an interesting conversationalist who loved people, entertaining, reading, writing, needlework, bridge...to one who was totally dependent upon others for absolutely everything.

Mother had not been herself for the years Daddy was ill with cancer, and we attributed some of her behavior to the stress of his illness.  After his death, it became evident that something else was going on.  She was diagnosed with Alzheimers about a year after his death...she had to give up driving (after several accidents); she lost the ability to cook and garden and to add and subtract.  Her handwriting became illegible.  She was paranoid about someone breaking in and stealing her possessions, so she hid things from others (and couldn't find them herself.)  A move to a retirement community followed, first to an apartment in Independent Living, then Assisted Living, then Special Care for Alzheimers patients, finally Skilled Nursing Care

When the move to Assisted Living happened, I went over and spent several days with her, trying to acclimate her to the changes in living quarters, dining room, routine, etc.  I was sitting next to her, in her new dining room, when she turned to me and said, "Where in the world is Nance?  She is late for dinner, and she knew I was expecting her!"  She was talking about me, to me.  I felt so badly for her, as it embarrassed her when she realized what she'd done.  It was a very sad moment for us both.

I learned, from experts in the field...from reading...from talking with others...from doctors and nurses and social workers and trained volunteers...to smile and listen, to not argue with her or to correct her, to be positive, to be loving and to give hugs, to encourage.  She deserved respect, and we tried to treat her that way.  She had cared for me when I was a child, and I wanted to care for her with as much love as she had always shown me.  She deserved dignity...and thankfully she received that from everyone around her.  We brought her crayons and coloring books; helped her with her beloved crossword puzzles; we read books of poetry; we brought her new comfortable and easy to put on  clothing, a fake diamond ring to replace her wedding set, which she often took off and lay on her bed or dresser.  We did crafts and bird-watched and planted pansies and gourds and watched them grow.  We arranged fresh flowers and brought more pictures for her rogue's gallery of family photos; we played the piano and organ and sang familiar hymns...and simple, lovely songs like Jesus Loves Me...and old songs like Clementine and She'll be Coming 'Round the Mountain and Irish Eyes...We walked the halls and went outside to sit in the gazebo, with the sign that had Psalm 121 on it:  "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help."  - We would read it and look up to Grandfather Mountain and behold the beauty of God's creation.

I share these experiences and descriptions not to scare or depress anyone...you may be experiencing Alzheimers with your parent or spouse or loved one.  I say what I do as a matter of fact.  For being informed and prepared...to be knowledgeable and ready...to know what to expect...is far superior to having it hit you broadside...or between the eyes.  I know it's tempting to hide one's head in the sand...to say "ignorance is bliss"...but from my experience, I'd rather know so I can face it with the coping skills that come from knowledge.  It is difficult, to say the least...very stressful, very draining both emotionally and physically.  But being informed and armed with needed skills is so helpful.

Pat Summitt, the wonderful coach of the Tennessee Lady Vols basketball team, was diagnosed last summer with Early Onset Dementia, Alzheimers Type. Not Pat...so young, so smart, so energetic, so intense, so loved.  The only good thing in the world about her situation is that perhaps it will bring well-needed attention to this sad disease; and perhaps the disease will get the attention and research funding it so deserves.

I saw a news spot stating that Alzheimers researchers spend more of their time trying to raise money for their research than they actually spend doing research, not because that's how they want it but because research on AD is so terribly underfunded.  It is billions of dollars below cancer and heart disease and some other also well-deserving diseases/causes in its funding and resources.   

We can all do our share in helping:  give, walk to raise money for Alzheimers research, encourage those who are affected.  We can help the caregivers.  We can pray to God for a preventive and for a cure.  We can take a meal...write a note of encouragement...offer to run errands.  We can pass out literature that  might help. We can  give hugs and pats to those who are walking this journey with their loved ones.  We can walk in their mocassins,  share their pain and try to divide it. We can  listen and understand and cry with them or try to bring laughter and humor.  We can encourage them to take care of themselves as they care for their loved one.  We can use our God-given gifts and talents to help in many different ways.

It has been almost 4 years since Mother's journey through Alzheimers ended...Memories of that journey are still fresh but fading some as the years go by.  God, in His grace, is healing our broken hearts as we move on in life. God help us all as we move towards a day when Alzheimers is conquered and persons and their families are spared its sadness.  We must not despair but hold onto hope...help each other...do what we can.  Some day it'll be just like polio and mumps and smallpox:  a thing of the past.  Let's pray that that day is coming soon.

BONANZA

My husband is a big fan of western movies, books, and tv shows, so we sometimes watch Bonanza in the afternoons.  It's a classic, set in the Nevada territory, in the 1880s or so, I would guess.  In a recent episode, Ben and sons became advocates/mentors to a young genius, Albert Abraham Michaelson.  "Mike" had been expelled from school in Virginia City, which was quite a shame for such a bright young man.  The Cartwrights were trying to help Mike get an appointment to the Naval Academy at Annapolis but were unable to persuade Mr Norton, the school teacher, to cooperate. 

As the episode progressed, it became evident that there was a bigger problem than first appeared; for Mr Norton had not only expelled Mike but several other boys...for various "offenses" which he generalized by saying, "They are troublemakers."  Ben Cartwright found that Mike was teaching all the expelled boys, in the loft of the livery stable.  They were Hispanic, Asian, Indian, and Israeli.

So the problem was not troublemakers.  It was bigotry on the part of the teacher.  Ben called a school board meeting, got to the bottom of the problem, then offered grace to the teacher.  Mr Norton realized his mistakes, was contrite, apologized, and was given a second chance.  Mike got the presidential appointment to the academy, the other boys were reinstated into school, and all "lived happily ever after," I imagine.

Moral of story:  there's a little bit of bigot in most all of us.  We must be on guard and squelch any signs of it.  It hurts all involved.  We must open our minds...our hearts...our spirits to truth, which is the Word of God.  When we see truth...and live it...then we have the problem under control.  There was a great lesson learned on Bonanza...and there are lessons to learn for us all, in our everyday lives, as we live and work with persons of other races, religions, political persuasions, etc.  Perhaps offering His grace to others is one of the greatest lessons learned.  May God help us in this journey.

By the way, Albert Abraham Michaelson was the first American to be awarded the Nobel prize, for  measuring the speed of light.  Just goes to show what can happen when ALL are given equal chances for education, etc in this world, regardless of race, gender, nationality, so on.  The sky's the limit!