Honoring Those with Alzheimers

In memory of my mother, who died almost six years ago after fighting her good fight with Alzheimers...and honoring many friends and strangers alike who are in the fight of their lives with this sad disease...also honoring their caregivers and/or loved ones who bravely and unselfishly help in their journeys - (Reprising an article first published in May 2008:  "Mother:")


And so it goes...a life well-lived has ended, and another chapter of our lives has begun.  It is a true blessing from God that Mother is whole again, no longer hindered in any way.  She can remember, recognize, smile, laugh, talk, walk, and eat; she can hear well and do for herself again in the way she always wanted.  She can cook and garden and feed her birds and chase away those pesky squirrels!  She can drive her car and write her letters and work crossword puzzles til the cows come home.  She can read her newspaper and the Wall Street Journal til her heart's content...she can watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy and win most every time!...and plan one of her fun trips with Daddy to some interesting place in the world, making notes so that her journal would be complete with what they had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and all they saw and new friends they met and what all the day had had in store for them.  She can bake homemade bread and Williamsburg Fresh Coconut Cake with Lemon Curd Filling....Jambalaya...Party Chicken with Artichokes...Chicken Basque...those famous Christmas goodies including Turkish Delight, pulled mints, dipped chocolates, and Spritz cookies in all the shapes from her cookie press...She can make a double batch of boiled custard and take it to an ailing neighbor...or even someone in the hospital...or perhaps a batch of oatmeal cookies or a loaf of datenut bread.  She can plant flat after flat of pansies and her vegetable garden of cantloupe, tomatoes, hills of peppers and Jerusalem artichokes and okra and green beans...She can tend her wildflowers:  columbine and lilies of the valley and Jack in the Pulpit and sit on her homemade bench, made from a couple downed trees, to admire the beauty of something only God could create.  She can listen to her music and play the piano by ear and enjoy her opera with the volume turned way up.  She can shop for bargains and redeem her coupons and visit with her friends at Food City again.  She can invite the neighbors and her golden friends from Norris and Clinton and Oak Ridge and Knoxville to a festive dinner party where she can use the good china and silver and arrange the centerpiece herself...She can invite a daughter to lunch out and they can do some shopping together with that lucky daughter always receiving a new item "just because."  She can be young again, vicariously through the grandchildren and those precious great-grands...laughing and joking and telling them tales of life as it used to be:  the depression years of her childhood, of surveying with her daddy "Papa," of living with her grandmother when times were so bad that Papa and Granny needed help feeding and raising their young; of college life and working at Drexel and moving to Anniston with Father Bill and Mama Stoney, as they were called from Grace Episcopal Church in Morganton to Grace Church in Anniston...of meeting and falling in love with her handsome friend Harry...and their marriage as the bells tolled VJ Day on that hot August afternoon in 1945...of the early years in Anniston and my brother's birth and then mine...of moving to Oak Ridge as Daddy's career dictated...and on to Norris and their beloved St Francis Church and all those fun days of our childhood in a small, safe, friendly community...then to Knoxville where they spent the next 50 years, continuing to raise children and being active in church and community and neighborhood and school affairs...Retirement for Daddy and all the fun they had traveling the Super Seniors tennis circuit, making new friends, with opportunities to visit and correspond...Daddy's illness and death and Mother's subsequent waning as Alzheimers entered the picture:  sad times as another chapter in her life began, that long journey of 8-9 years, one that would take her into the throes of silence and dependence on others.  She didn't like that, but she persevered, again showing that strength of character and resolve.  She seldom  complained, never whined, never felt sorry for herself, at least outwardly.  She adjusted to her new apartment, complete with her antiques and needlework on the walls...and was heartbroken when it became necessary to give it up and move on to assisted living, then special care for Alzheimers patients and then finally her last home in skilled nursing.  She made the best of it, though, in her stoic way...just part of the journey.  She was a joy to the staff, as she went about her day, cooperating and reading and even talking in a new poetic language marked by "to be" at the end of each phrase.  It was so sad for us to watch; but even with that, she plowed on, influencing others in the positive.  Her last two years were especially difficult as she lost more and more of the zest which made her HER...and her struggles with eating and swallowing and breathing worsened.  On May 15, 2008, we experienced the ultimate in bittersweetness:  we had lost her but she was free!  She was whole again!  She was reunited with her kind and gentle Harry...and best of all, because of her faith and trust in Him, she lives on in her new home, where she can serve in her new body with her new mind that is absolutely and perfectly clear and bright.  And so it goes..the circle of life.  We rejoice and thank God.